Book Review – Refuse To Choose By Barbara Sher

Barbara Sher's Book

Have you always wondered why you get bored easily, never stick to anything for long periods of time, quickly lose interest in things or change your mind about what you want to do and end up doing nothing? Good news: according to Barbara Sher’s book you might just be a ‘scanner’.

Summary

Barbara Sher brings us closer to a type of person who, just as described above, doesn’t follow the traditional ‘find out what you want, get a career and follow it with might and passion for the rest of your life’ scheme.

More in details

The subtitle of this book is ‘A Revolutionary Programme for Doing All That You Love’ and alludes to the fact that scanners often find themselves arguing about not being able to choose one thing and stick with it. Barbara suggests otherwise: Refuse to choose.

The author identifies seven types of scanners, divided into two groups: cyclical scanners and sequential scanners. The first 3 belong to the cyclical scanners: Read more

What WikiLeaks Is Teaching Us

What a great world we live in! We’ve got all these amazing opportunities, freedom of speech (in many places, it at least seems so), ability to study for everyone, including women etc. just to name a few. Social Media has taken over massive amount of social interactions, sharing of news and showcasing yourself to the world in ways it was never possible before. And yet, will all those great improvements, we have more people dealing with stress, addictions, depression or other mental illnesses. What happened?

I wonder if by speeding up the pulse of life we fail to nurture the real values in life?

With your profile on Facebook it’s no longer just the clothes you wear or the clubs you belong to but the amount of friends and the profile picture you show. Internet dating allows us to choose a profile picture of ourselves 10 years ago when we were slimmer, sexier and on holiday with a previous partner. Words like ‘busy’ and ‘appointment’ helps us to get around the fact that we are not keen to help our in-laws fix the roof without having to hurt their feelings. What is happening to us?

Publishing improves transparency

WikiLeaks seems to be a popular topic currently and I agree with their philosophy of “Publishing improves transparency, and this transparency creates a better society for all people.” In day-to-day life, publishing means speaking up, sharing, expressing, communicating – wow, that’s what interpersonal relationships are about! Make your emotions and thoughts publish, before you need to store them up and they use up your energy before you let them explode.

Speaking the unspeakable

Recently I worked with a client who spoke about him blowing up in a meeting, telling the people what was overdue for a long while, some of them silently nodding in agreement happy for someone else to speak the unspeakable and point out the elephant in the room. He realized that this issue had been playing on his mind and partly creating stress and disharmony in the rest of his life and relationship. Blurting out his truth, uncovering the lies and deceit was physically challenging and left him shaky and tired. The group of people who were meeting however couldn’t simply go back to how things were before and pretend to be blissfully unaware; they had to and did rise to a new level of teamwork.

Rise to the occasion

What have you not said that is playing on your mind? Which of your relationships might need an authenticity upgrade? What is the fear that keeps you from being totally honest with yourself and with others around you? I fully agree with Arjuna Ardagh on practicing radical honesty. Not sure if it’s all fun though however it definitely has the power to shift relationships.

Start today with yourself. Practice tomorrow with something small and simple. Notice the shift inside of you.

Remember: Take small steps.

Fight vs Surrender

There are moments where it is appropriate to fight

And there are moments where all you need to do is surrender.

Anja

Meta Coaching

Coaching is a term used in many different ways and meaning many different things. Coaching in the context of working with clients as individuals, teams and organizations, supports the development of one’s self and our skills to make changes and reach goals. The objective is to focus on future potential and how it can be achieved.

Where to go?

What is Meta Coaching?

In Meta Coaching* the coach moves up a level above the content of a problem, issue, dream, belief, etc creating contexts and situations where the client is able to discover his or her own powers.

How does it work? Read more

Authenticity in Leadership

The leadership model develop by L. Michael Hall Ph.D. is a detailed and measurable model of leadership consisting of seven criteria based on studies of successful leaders.

This article will explain the first of these criteria, Authenticity, in detail and describe specific steps you can implement to improve your own leadership.

What is Authenticity?

Authenticity is the quality or condition of being trustworthy or genuine. It can be described as being and acting from one’s true self without masks and personas.

Someone who is authentic will speak and act congruently and their words and gestures, tone, and volume will all match content of what they are saying. They will speak and act in ways that reveal their true beliefs, views, opinions and emotions even when this might conflict with those they are communicating with.

Key Questions for Authentic Leadership

The following key questions will help you to apply this criteria in practice to become a great leader.

What do you really want and believe in?

In order to lead authentically, you need to know what you want and what your beliefs are, so that you can act and speak congruently.

What is really important to you?

There will be some things you want in your life and some beliefs that take priority over everything else. It might be your health, your family, financial independence or your belief in the right of others to be, for example, respected or treated equally. By being clear about what is really important, you will be better placed to communicate this to others.

What makes for a meaningful and significant life?

Many of us would like our life to have some “meaning”, to leave behind a legacy, to have “left a footprint in the sand”. Do you know what legacy you would most like to leave? How do you want to be remembered by those closest to you?

What do you really think and feel about the things that are important to you?

When you are clear about what is most important in your life and the legacy you hope to leave, then you will be more willing to share your thoughts and feelings about these things with others. Sharing your views with energy, emotion, and enthusiasm engages those around you and lets them know that these topics are important to you.

How truly do you act on your beliefs and opinions?

If you often find yourself playing roles to protect yourself or satisfy others or going along with whatever is socially or politically correct even when you don’t agree with it, then you are failing to be true to yourself. People around you will sense this either consciously or on an unconscious level and find it difficult to trust you. If you speak or act in ways that are congruent, you will sound believable because your tone, volume and body-language will match the content of your words.

Confrontation may be unpleasant however if you believe in something that is important to you it is far better to be honest and risk disagreement than to oppress your true feelings. Others will respect your honesty and integrity and find it easier to trust and follow you if they know that you are willing to stand up for your principles.

What are your passions, talents, and vision?

If you are passionate about something. If you have a vision of the future that enthuses you or a particular skills or ability that fills you with joy and energy, then following that passion or vision will automatically inspire others.

If you find any of these questions difficult to answer then try this simple exercise: sit down in a quiet space with a blank piece of paper and write out, in as much detail as possible, how you would like your life to be in every aspect that is important to you. Use positive language and write as if you are already living this life. Make this a fun game and let your imagination soar.

Being an Authentic Leader

Truly great leaders throughout history have stood out from the crowd by living up to their highest values, pursuing their visions, challenging injustices and still being modest, humble and willing to be of service to others.

Are you willing and able to be authentic?

How to Respond to Criticism Actively

Do you find it challenging to respond to criticism without falling into the position of defending yourself? This article will introduce the use of interesting ways to respond to criticism.

Change Your Mind About Criticism :-)

For the sake of this experiment, I am going to imagine that the criticism is the following sentence: ‘You have changed your mind again? Changing your mind means that you’re an insecure person!’

Here are some of my favorite ways to respond to that:

  1. You’re feeling that way because you’re inflexible to change your mind.
  2. What would it take for you to change your mind on what you just said?
  3. In my family that is how we adapt to a new situation.
  4. You must be pretty insecure not to change your mind ever.
  5. That is a rather inflexible belief to hold – I’m sure you can’t change your mind on that, can you?
  6. Do you think it’s more important to be secure than flexible?
  7. So if I hadn’t changed my mind I would still be living with my mum at home and be safe.
  8. The issue here is not whether I change my mind or how insecure I am but rather how flexible can you be in today’s world?
  9. If a doctor changes his mind on how long a patient will survive, does that mean he is insecure about his prognosis?
  10. I’m not insecure I’m just flexible.
  11. Is it possible that you can be an indecisive or insecure person and not change your mind?
  12. So do you mean that the most important thing is to make up your mind once and for all and stay like that for the rest of your life?
  13. My intention is not to be indecisive but to find a more suitable view or attitude.
  14. How specifically did I change my mind?
  15. How specifically am I insecure?

If some of these alternatives made your head spin, that is specifically the purpose.

What is Criticism?

According to Wikipedia, the word critic comes from Greek ‘kritikos’ and means ‘able to discern’, which is a Greek derivation from the word ‘krites’ meaning a person who offers reasoned judgment or analysis, value judgment, interpretation, or observation.

Even though criticism does not need to be about finding fault, the word usually implies disapproval and therefore creates a sense of being at fault or wrong. The natural reactive pattern to receiving criticism is therefore explanation and defense.

FREE Coaching Session to Win!

For the month of September I’ve decided to give away ONE FREE coaching session EVERY WEEK!
You might ask why? Well, because coaching and counselling both are my passion. I want people to be able to experience the benefit of change and I donate my time for you to have this opportunity for FREE in September.

Here are the details:

  • Each week I will draw one winner for a 90 minutes coaching session.
  • The sessions will be held via skype.
  • The sessions will need to be scheduled for the week after the draw.
  • Entries from the previous week will stay in the draw until the end.
  • The winner will be notified via email (so make sure I have your details) and published on our Facebook fanpage.

How to enter into the draw? You enter by:

For each comment you will receive 1 entry – so write as many as you like.
Important: In order for me to know which comments you’ve written and which friends you have referred, you have to send me an email with the link to the comment or the friend’s name.

GOOD LUCK! … and I’m looking forward to working with you!

The Difference Between Counselling and Coaching

Many people ask me this question – so I’ve written an article/blog post about it. Please feel free to leave your comments!

Nowadays most people take the advantage of supporting themselves with the help of a counsellor, coach or therapist through the challenges life throws at them at some stage. For people new to the field of self-development the question ‘What is the difference between a counsellor and coach?’ comes up often. Lets find some distinctions that might be helpful to you.

Helping you be the very best you!

Coaching

Coaching is the modality to go forward, to plan for the future you want to create, bring action to goal setting and eliminate any obstacles that might be in the way to reach you goals. Coaching involves full commitment to make the changes that will bring you closer to your desired outcome. A coach will also listen attentively and ask you powerful questions. Coaching is for people that have enough ego strength to take action. Coaching is mostly focused on creating a desired future outcome and is only involving past issues if they are important for the future outcome.

Counselling

Counselling is the modality to heal yourself, to find Read more

Sacred Loving

In October and November of this year we will be running two events for couples: Sacred Loving.

Sharon & Kenneth Mauldin, who will run this weekend workshop, offer a safe space and loving guidance for couples and individuals to experience their sexuality as a sacred learning and healing ground while growing in trust and intimacy with themselves and others. We invite you to join us as ecstatic lovers of life.

Here is an ‘Introduction to SACRED LOVING’ written by Sharon Mauldin:

Our sexuality is core to how we interact with the ourselves, our lovers, our world.  When we open to the fullness of our enlivened sexuality we empower and enrich all parts of our life.   Unfortunately, many of us have been cut off from this natural  flow of essential creative life force.    We experience our sexuality through the veils of conditioning, beliefs and stories we’ve been told by society, our parents, churches, media etc.   Read more

Relationship Conflicts – 5 Tips on Agreeing to Disagree

Agree to disagree

Conflict or disagreement is inevitable in any relationship, which I’m sure you have found out by now in your life. Relationships sooner or later brings out the differences in the two people involved and the higher the importance that the individual places on the issue, the more likely is conflict. In the following article I would like to give you some tips on how to manage the conflict by ‘agreeing to disagree’.

Conflict is necessary

The more important your standpoint is to you, the more likely you are willing to defend your point of view. Conflict is a way to discuss the differences mentioned above. Is it also a way to grow in a relationship and to ultimately reach the stage of relationship development that has been called ‘mutual interdependence’. When conflict is avoided, resentment might build up as one person is definitely denying their needs.

What is Agreeing to Disagree? Read more

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